Thursday, August 18, 2011

Panic Button - I hit it!

After Enjoying a wonderful day with with dear friends, around 8:30pm or so...

I had my first ever 'panic attack'.

Well, it seemed like a panic attack, having never had one before I couldn't be sure. 

My friend, Sue, had come over in the afternoon with  cinnamon-apple tea, a card signed by my fellow employees at the nursing home (I miss them so much) and a 'chick flick'.  Joe watched it with us as we sat down in the recliners and ate dinner.  Some dear friends brought dinner to us.

May I just take a moment here to thank them for the meal?  Thank you, Travis and Lisa, for the blessing. Also a big shout-out to my friend, Kelli, for her famous mashed potatoes....

an honored request.

Not very hungry, I set the plate aside and sipped on my lemon grass tea.  Sue left after the movie and I picked up the plate again remembering that I needed to "look at my food like it was medicine".  

 I tried a few bites...

My esophagus started to constrict and bits of food started to get trapped in the middle of my chest.  I grabbed the water bottle and took several gulps trying to wash down the lump slowly forming.

I started to panic a little and it seemed like the more I tried to control it, the worse it got.  I quickly stood up and headed outside to the back deck, close behind....was my Joe.

Looking up at him, I said "I can't breathe! I can't breathe!".  He immediately went into paramedic mode.

(He is ALWAYS amazing in any emergency situation)

He had me take several deep breaths and walked me back and forth on the deck.  Starting to feel better I descended the stairs and walked into the cool evening.  We strolled a bit and he calmed me with his soothing reassurance, and his prayers.

Lord...when I get scared and unsure on this journey, you remind me of how very human and fragile I am.  I have so much to be thankful for, Lord.  If I were to start naming the many blessings You've shown me...I would be writing on and on and on...into the late night. 

 In times like this, I thank you for providing me with an anchor, for showing me a way out.  Help me, Lord, to transfer fear into faith because of Who You are  (thank you, Mitzi). I am reminded of Your ever present love for me...You are loving me through this (Thank you, Joyce).

There are a lot of hurting women and men who have been touched in some way by cancer.  I am positive that that each and every one of you reading this has either been affected personally or knows of someone in the throws of this disease.

Father God, I lift them all to You and ask for Your mighty intervention in their lives. Reveal to them, Lord...Your sovereignty...Your power...and Your love...Your mercy, Lord and Your healing.

It took Joe most of the morning to round up everything necessary for this new condition;
Magic Mouthwash (from the doctor),
Aloe Vera juice (from my friend, the herbal queen)
 and a few suppositories (blush).

Oh the Milk Duds?  Well, they are from my husband, who is convinced I am in need of some of my favorite chocolate candies at this point.  This is something I have given up...but...

I will do ANYTHING to please him :)


  1. I've suffered panic attacks, as well as problems with anxiety. There have been a few times where I thought I couldn't swallow as well. Like you mentioned, when you try to control it, it seems to get worse. And for the most part, that is what panic attacks are, an issue of control. The funny thing is, no matter how much you know you are going through one, and it is, for the most part, all in your head, it still can happen. Still praying for you.

  2. Hi Linda,
    Not sure if you remember me or not, but we worked together at the nursing home for a brief while. It's Megan Patterson. I've just recently started reading your entries and may I just say, You are an inspiration to EVERYONE! I am so sorry to hear about everything that is happening right now, but from reading what I have it seems you are strong. You can defeat this, and I pray you will! You and your loving family will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish nothing but the best for you in life! Best Wishes!